You are certainly not perfectionists nor do you know anyone who is… but if you happen to cross paths with someone…

Being a perfectionist is not easy. There are those who idealize a certain decoration in their home, with the pictures so well placed and aligned, that after 10 years there is still no picture hanging on the wall…

A perfectionist has a desire to do everything well, but ends up postponing decisions, worrying about what might go wrong, and every time they fail, they end up dwelling on what went wrong. The perfectionist thinks they have to do everything well, and as if that weren't enough, they have to do everything well the first time.

Where does perfectionism come from?

I have no idea, that's your problem.

But since we’re thinking about it… maybe it’s some important relationship in our past – perhaps a parent or an environment we were in – where we felt that in order to be liked and valued we had to do everything well. Meanwhile, 20 or 30 years have passed, and we continue to function in the same way: depending our value on the opinion of others, protecting ourselves from failure and not admitting mistakes.

Perfectionism manifests itself in two ways: it demands a lot from ourselves and from others. We don’t want to disappoint, and we don’t want to be disappointed. It’s easy to see that this is bad for our mental health and for our friendships and work relationships.

Being strict, demanding or responsible are good things, the problem is when we want to be perfect, because only God is perfect. When we want to do everything well, we are buying a one-way ticket to the land of frustration. It is good to want to be perfect, but we must accept that we will be imperfect. Whether it is learning a new language, playing a new instrument, studying something different or talking to someone we have never spoken to, it can help us change our perspective.

How can we free ourselves from perfectionism?

Distinguish between what is essential and what is accessory. When it is essential, we should keep our commitment, when it is accessory, we should relax. We typically think that accessory things are essential, but we have to know how to separate and dedicate ourselves to what matters.
When considering a decision, should we think not only about what could go wrong, but also about what could go well? When thinking about a new project, an invitation, a trip abroad, we do well to anticipate risks and imagine what could go wrong, but that is not enough. It is equally important to think about what could be wonderful, how it could help us and how it could make our lives better…
Learn from good examples. Whether they are external examples: Who do I admire who also has a tendency towards perfectionism, but manages it well? What can I learn from that person? But also internal examples: Remember the times when things went well despite my imperfection, when I managed perfectionism well.
Celebrate and enjoy even the things that weren't perfect. A job, a grade, a thing. I took a risk, it wasn't perfect, it's true, but done is better than perfect.
Freeing yourself from perfectionism does not mean promoting mediocrity or giving up on being better. On the contrary, it means promoting enjoyment and learning (we have already mentioned this here) and always wanting to be better. And that is perfectionism enough.