It is not uncommon to hear someone say when thinking about their life “I don’t regret anything, I would do it all over again!”. But this does not show a life well lived, on the contrary, shows a unreflected life!
When we are young we tend to regret what we did, but as time goes by and until the end of our lives most of us regret what we did. our regrets are for things we didn't do... we would have liked to have had the courage to speak up and we didn't, we would have liked to have launched a project and we didn't move forward, we would have liked to have met that person but we didn't go and meet them...
Typically or we ignore repentance or we keep brooding, but none of these ways help us. What alternatives do we have?
Let’s look at 3 steps to better deal with regret:
- Self-compassion: accepting our limitations and treating ourselves with empathy. It’s not about whitewashing or excusing mistakes, but acknowledging what happened to me. If I was rude in a meeting, it’s not about ignoring it, but perhaps acknowledging that when I’m scared I treat people with irritation, and knowing how to recognize that.
- Reveal to someone: showing the other person what is difficult for us and what we regret. This allows us to gain perspective, organize our minds and free ourselves from the burden. It is difficult, but it is liberating.
- Make concrete decisions: Be strategic in the lessons learned. Now that I have taken care of this regret, what will I do differently next time? What concrete thing will make me proud of myself and not regret it? When will I do it?
The problem is that regret is bitter, it costs, it is painful.. But if we have the courage to feel that pain, we can access the learning that is hidden there. We only take advantage of regret if we go through what it costs us.
No one can escape regret, because it is simply a part of life and exists for a reason. It's up to us to start taking advantage of it.